O Tragedy

I haven't been writing down any dreams since they've been very random and extremely pointless. The boy has not been in them. Other than that, my social life hasn't been doing so well. Neither has my mental state. I had a mini counseling session with my cousin and I didn't like his advice. Mainly because, it's something I don't want to do and something I do have to do. The issue is between me and my very best friend. This week has been full of tension between us. Or maybe it's not tension and I'm coming up with the wrong conclusions again. Over the three day weeked we were talking fine on AIM. Monday she didn't seem very talkative o I left her alone. The next day at school, we didn't speak. I didn't even hang out with her during lunch. Why did I do that? Was it because I sensed that she was depressed so I left her alone? Maybe. The next day was relatively the same. Cept, I did hang with her during lunch. I almost regret doing so. Again we didn't talk. Even with Laura around, we didn't speak at all. Later this other girl, who is friends with best friend, came. She sat down and imediatly my best friend starts joking around with her. I tried to get into the conversation as well, but all I got was an irratated (sounding) response. So I kept quiet.

After school I had the counseling session through AIM. His advice was to try to find a new friend incase this current one falls apart. Only issue is, I want to stay friend with her. And I'm horrible at making friends. Mostly due to my horrible conversational skills. In fact, I've become afraid of conversing with people [in person] on my own. I'm on my way to becoming a hikikomori. So I'm crying since I know it's something I need to do.

Even today. Right now. She's siting away from me. Is she mad? Is she just depressed? I don't know. Haven't spoken to her since Sunday. Why not? What am I doing? I believe I'm trying to give her, her space. She's told me before that she pefers to be alone [because of this whole boyfriend bullshit]. So I leave her alone. Is it doing the opposite effect? Does she think I'm abandoning her or if I'm mad at her?

Class is over and I'm currently at the school library contemplating over things. I feel like crying, but I'd rather not attract attention to myself. According to what she had written in her thoughtslip, atleast I think it was hers, she's not gong to be seeing her boyfriend this weekend. Maybe she's just depressed about that and me giving her space is the right thing to do. If that is the reason and she's not really mad at me, I can relax. My only other problem is I'm rather lonely. It's stated above that my conversational skills are wack so meeting someone new is out of the question. My other friends aren't here today. Guess the library will have to become my new hang place.